Dear Layla,
A few years ago Tom Cruise went insane. He was always a bit of a weirdo, but he really took it to a new level. It all seems to have gone downhill for him when he started dating Katie Holmes. Now I was a big fan of Katie Holmes back in the day. "Dawson's Creek" was the show! But, as it turns out, dating Katie made Tom crazy or maybe he went crazy from Scientology. Either way - he's a nut job.
At the height of his craziness he did an interview with Oprah where he started jumping up and down on her couch like a two-year old on his parents' bed. He did this to proclaim his love for Katie. Umm . . . why didn't he just take her out to dinner, get her name tattooed on his arm or buy her something shiny? That's all pretty normal behavior. Couch jumping, as a general rule, shouldn't be the manner in which a man shows his love.
He did another nutty interview with Matt Lauer on the "Today" show. This interview accounts for two instances of insanity. First, he used the word "glib". I didn't even know "glib" was a word so I thought he was being extra-insane by making up words on national television, but as it turns out, it's a real word. Secondly, he made several comments about Brooke Shields and her postpartum depression. She used medication and therapy to treat her condition. Tom Cruise, being a board certified doctor and all, criticized her treatments. Oh wait - he's not a doctor, he's just crazy and perhaps thinks he is one. Why did he think he had any authority to talk about postpartum?! He is crazy, crazy, crazy.
Postpartum effects mothers in different ways. Some women can have feelings of helplessness, shame, despair and perhaps thoughts of suicide. I never experienced anything quite so severe, but I did experience some feelings of postpartum.
It began the day we brought you home from the hospital. Daddy suggested that I ride with him to pick up something for lunch. All I had to do was sit beside him in a car, drive to Firehouse Subs, and return to you. I thought it was a great idea! G-Ma and Omi were going to watch you for that short trip so I didn't need to worry about a thing. I had my shoes on and ready to go when a wave just washed over me. I literally couldn't move. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn't leave you. We had spent 3 days in the hospital together and the thought of leaving for those 30 minutes made me lose control. I cried huge crocodile tears. I cried so hard that I cried myself to sleep. After that nap, I didn't feel refreshed or relaxed, I cried a little more because I embarrassed myself in front of my family. It was a sad day. My grade for the day: F. "F" for failure to do anything.
I finally worked up the courage to leave you on Mr. Mike's birthday. G-Ma was still in town and couldn't wait for Daddy and I to leave so she could have you all to herself. I got dressed-up, kissed you good-bye, and headed out the door with confidence. I kept telling myself, "Just make it to the car. That will be better than last time". Well, I did make to the car! Score! However, I did cry three times and asked Daddy to call and check on you once. My grade for the day: C. "C" for crying when I should have been enjoying my friend's birthday cupcakes from Muddy's. No one should cry while eating cupcakes. . . that's just a rule.
A day or so later, Daddy and I attempted a lunch date again. There was no excuse not to go since G-Ma was in town so off to T.G.I.Fridays we went. My goal was to get through a meal without crying. That was a struggle. First the hostess tried to seat us at a high-top table. I was near tears. I knew that I couldn't sit on a hard surface like that after having you just a few days prior. But, I was a brave girl! I calmly took a breath and said that I needed a booth. No tears! Daddy explained the reason and she sat us at a comfy booth with a television nearby. I only remember the t.v. being close because it brought me to tears. I had made it through my entire grilled ham and cheese (I craved grilled cheese during my pregnancy BIG TIME!) and salad meal, and was waiting on the check when a commercial came on that sent the tears flowing. In the commercial a woman was at the hospital and had just given birth. Her husband must have given her some amazing Hallmark card for Mother's Day because she read it and started crying. Just seeing the happy couple and their sleeping newborn made me cry. My grade for the day: C. "C" for copycat crying.
Now please understand that my postpartum symptoms were probably on the mellow side but I felt out of control. I just couldn't control my emotions. It is something that I am still struggling with today and you are two months old.
But at least I didn't go completely crazy like Tom Cruise.
Love,
Mommy
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